I’m not really sure where to start with this update, so I guess I’ll just come right out and say it.
I’ve decided to NOT run the Air Force Marathon in September.
In some of my other weekly recap posts, I’ve alluded to some problems and having a hard time with life things and I decided that I’m just not in the right place to train for, and run a marathon.
Just before I started my training my step-dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. Since then, it’s been an insane emotional roller coaster and two weeks ago we learned that he can no longer continue with his chemotherapy. I don’t have to tell you what this means.
As I was trying to run my 13 miles 2 weeks ago, it occurred to me how much time I was wasting while I was out there. The marathon will always be there, and the awful, terrible reality is that my step-dad won’t. I couldn’t finish that run, and when I managed to run my 16 miles the following Monday I just kept thinking about how selfish I’m being with my time. All of my long runs from here on out are 18, 20, 22 miles and that is a lot of time. For me, that’s about 4 hours to be out there…plus getting back home, then showering, eating and then getting out to their house to visit. That’s more than half the day, and in a few months I know I’m going to want that time back.
For some people, training for a race might be the perfect distraction but I just can’t do that. When I’m out there, alone with my thoughts, that’s when I lose it. My heart and head just aren’t in right now.
I fully plan to continue running, but this takes so much of the pressure off – if I have to skip a run then I skip it. It won’t impact my training at all, and I won’t have to stress about needing to get the miles in. I may throw a half marathon in there somewhere, but I’m not counting on it and it will certainly be a last minute decision if I do.
The Tall One and I talked about this on our way to Wisconsin and he fully agrees with/supports this decision. He could tell these last few weeks that I just wasn’t into it, and that I was struggling.
Once I made the decision I really felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. Obviously there is still another huge weight on there but at least this helps. I didn’t do any running on vacation and I didn’t worry about it at all. I’m not really sure where I’m going from here – maybe work on some speed and definitely some more strength work. I haven’t been doing that and can really tell the difference.
I know this is probably a very rambling, disconnected post but…that’s where I’m at.